Moi…Yeah What About It?

At this darkness blocked my bleary-eyed vision, and a warm coppery taste was my only comfort, it had been my comfort for so long at present. It was only a friend and Im nearly dead. But when you modernise accused of going with your cousin youd expect it of a friend. I was xiv when it s aciduloused, save over a year, youd think Id be all cried show up, only when Ive learnt, gradually, save them, save them for the nights when you close your eyes and hes giving you what you want, and what you consider love. unoriginal you might think, save the easily things make you cry much than the big. whatso eer time hes not smoked irregular also much skunk, sput, or what constantly else he does, well cuddle and he whispers those ternary little course both girl longs to hear from a tall dark and bountiful experienceder guy. I love you But wheres the truth in it. near guys of sixteen think those three word can bed a girl. Well if theyre vulnerable enough its a definite thing. T hats where trouble starts. call forth its just another word for hurt, blood, committing yourself and signing freedom and friends away.And all to more or less guy that thinks you want to spend the rest of your life with cos they popped your cherry. Its not reality, not to me and it shouldnt be to you. Loves a trap, an evil thing. It makes me feel sick, scour just thinking about the hell I was put through in as shorter amount of time as a year. I legal opinion I was being brave every time I was further and my cloudy green eyes cried. I was surprised myself, as every moment we spent in each others arms was a good time. I judgement Id neer bear to be al superstar.But now I know the sparkles all gone, and the stitches atomic number 18 here. He wasnt scared to destine anyone the hate and anguish he felt inside for me, not even my mother, the first time, he hurt me was in preceding of both our families we sit down to a meal, in my house, a time we all impression was good. But I was dragged by my hair into the kitchen viewable from the dinning table. I knew what was feeler I had seen his eyes when he had fought previously with lads, those eyes looked straight at me.I began to unknot to the side door, which was positioned at the side of his masculine, strong aftershave look body my star was spinning as I was thrown brook towards the sink. My head in the bowl with the dishes from the pervious course, and he kicked me right in the spine. My father was no longer around he had left us when my blood fellow and I were just three geezerhood old. My brother and I thought the same people said it was just telepathic, I screamed as the broken dishes cut into my made-up face. The phone rang. I heard it, I heard it through the screams and shouts, of my mother and the warnings of that bastards family.My mother ran to the phone hoping and praying it was someone with government agency that could help, she wasnt let down, my brother, he said he felt something and Wiz was driving him down to the house, my mother yelled down the phone hoping Wiz would hear, Ill never forget the words she said it was the first time I had ever heard her swear, I heard them words over and over in my confused and unsure head, GET YOUR BLOODY FOOT DOWN and make haste THE FUCK UP Id had enough my body couldnt take any more of his beating, I lay collapsed on the cold tiled floor coat in warm blood clotted in little ball, coughed out of my tooth missing mouth.I heard the screeching of tyres out front, as my brother ran in followed by four sets of other heavy footsteps. Screams and shouts were all I heard nothing I could make sense of. I was kicked one decease time in my stomach before everything went dead. I was alone. I was alone in a bed, with tubes pumping all kinds of shit into me, I tested to move precisely my body refused, to leave me only lying unflustered. I was thither for a few days unable to move my bruised limbs, my brother and his touchs came in eve ry so often and comforted me, I didnt feel safe around guys though and refused to speak to them.The one someone that made me feel safe was a younger lad I had met on a holiday that year, my mother had paid for him to fly from his kinsperson near Stoke to be with me for a few days. My brother had told me I had called out his name numerous occasions. I was unable to remember. I still thought about him though, when visiting times were over, I still love him. I thought that nothing could commute that, not even a hospital bed. My mother had told me a million times that he was bad news for me. I knew she was right plainly I always had the last word.I always blamed it on my dad leaving though I made my mum feel bad because I never had a part to tell me how rattling men were. But really I should take it out on him hes the one who couldnt keep his drawers up, rise his ankles always were cold, my mum said anyway. I kind of extrapolate now though why my mother never got with another, she could have had any one. She was the some beautiful woman who graced the earth. My brother always use to pressurize my confidence when I was younger saying I was like her, but no one ever could be as pretty, so perfect. I loved her more than anyone could love anything in the universe.But my love for her was too deep I was told, he told me. I believed him too. I was gullible and he was charming. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. He changed my mothers perspective in my lie my whole world, and left me behind. My life was complicated, it always had been. No person, how sophisticated, how intelligent could agnize my head, the way I would think. I used to write stories and draw inappropriate looking picture, all the teachers thought I was ill in the head from the first day I walked through the school gates first and High. They can all drop dead just as every other down looking snob in this world can.They dont reckon anything, half of them dont even have kids of their own, and how can they sta nd in front of a teenager and tell them how they should treat people with respect when they have no respect for us. Teachers always said I had a unsavory mouth and. So have 70% of the rest of the pupils in this school. That old line they spoon feed you every time their on their periods are just in a bad mood, Miss Potts you have the most dramatic and over active imagination I have ever had enter this manner, now leave Thats meant to be an education dont be daft.I admit to the charges with my wads up but Ive had a bad life, as have others but I took the easy way out and became a little bitch, smoking, drinking etc. It was just what school life has winding me into. I think about life doing things right sometimes but thats not me it isnt possible for me now. Things when I got out of hospital werent any several(predicate) between him and me Ill call him that because his name sends shivers and spikes down my spine. I carried on eyesight him, yeah I know I was stupid, but he told me hed change just to spend a few moments of his life with me in his arms.My family didnt come out for a while, but when my brother caught me and him upstairs in my room he disowned me, I tried to cover up what we were doing but I think clothes all up the stairs were a swooning give away. No one was meant to come home, my mother in capital of the United Kingdom and my brother meant to be at a friends, whats the chances ay? Low High well shit happens doesnt it? I convinced my brother it was the best thing to do keeping it a secret from my mother as she was suffering from good depression, give you a guess who it all started with. Lol.Obvious dont you think? We didnt colloquy my brother and I until I assured him it was all over. He believed me. I had tried to brake it out with him but his dark eyes seduced my point hypnotising me, they told a story of that day when I nearly died. My lifes never been perfect, and never will be now. I had dreams, ambitions. I was going to be an artis t, I wanted people to know who I was and what I had been through but how do you tell the story, of getting beat up by a demon, that lived around the corner from your humble warm loving home.I had ideas but Id have to ascend him again to make my work publishable, to kill me obviously. No artist Ive ever heard of got famous when they were alive so Id need some help wouldnt I? After I told my brother I had stopped seeing him, it was around three months until we finish properly, I had been in hospital again, slipped a disk in my back this time, it happened over three days, it started over a cig, how sad, my best mate of a few years wouldnt spare her last fag for him and I got bollocked for it.I tried to run but I was never a sprinter, my legs werent long enough, he caught up to me within a few moments of me dropping my bags out side the schools gates, he dragged me to the floor by my long brown ponytail, I lay there frozen scared to move as his three best mate screamed at him to leave me alone because I was a cheap tart after a shag. Later that night though he imbed me, came down to another of my mates looking for a shag off of me.Yeah you know the story, I did it, a shags a shag as my mates brother told me. The next time he threw a paddy was the next night guess what this was over as well, a lil bit of lippy, apparently I looked like a whore, and his mates would find it as an offer. It was a repeat performance of the previous day although a man dressed in a dark suit came to my rescue he told me he was always there for me if I ever needed him.I didnt even know the guy, it was the first time Id seen him but I thought I could come to some kind of arrangement with him. He was lascivious and I was feeling low and on the rebound. The next time, I find it hard to talk about It was thought I would never be able to have kids, that broke my heart, I really wanted kids in the future lil boy and girl Cona and Carmel. I thought that they were cute label for kids and dif ferent for when they grew up.My story with him ended when a couple of weeks I engraft my self sat in a doctors surgery with a piddle sample on the desk, and a pregnancy test boxed up lay next to it, along with that protein tester thing. Id put on slant and me and the doctor both knew exactly what was going on. I sobbed as I told the doctor my life story he was touched and offered me a weave over the long wooden desk I leant on with one hand on my stomach. I quit my sobbing and stood up to leave. No appointments were made, no nothings were said.